Post by neilcrud on May 31, 2010 21:47:53 GMT
THE DAMNED
EDWARD TUDOR POLE
HMV Picture House, Edinburgh
29.05.2010
EDWARD TUDOR POLE
HMV Picture House, Edinburgh
29.05.2010
(Review n pix by Anna Kissed)
Crud cheekily asked me to write a review about The Damned gig I was going to see in Edinburgh as he was going to see some old has-been bird in bondage gear who I think only wears pvc to keep her tits in place. I pointed out at the time "Like I'm going to be sober enough to remember anything! Could end up like: They played some tunes, Vanian and the Capt looked sexy and we all screamed for more! Well, I've not written a review since bailing my mate out for the student rag mag in 1992 when we ended up interviewing Curve, and I ended up suprisingly pissed and scrawling my name on the walls of the then Newcastle Riverside club. Anyway as Neil now just seem's to report on gigs from wayback I thought I'd give him a run for his money with a review of a gig from this decade, so here goes, if it's shit, blame Crud!
So on the subject of old has-beens this brings me to the Damned, of which I had to be one of their youngest admirers in Edinburgh on this particular evening. I'm afraid that at 37 years old, one of my first introductions to the Damned was through the Captains "Happy Talk" release in 1982. Although looking back it was not a good example of his work (it did surprisingly get to No 1, probably due to a load of infants playing it at parties), it did however introduce me to the Captain and the Damned, so 28 years later, here I am starting the evening by having a drink in the Vat & Fiddle pub next to the HMV Picture House with my friends Susie who last saw the Damned 28 years ago when I was playing musical chairs to Happy Talk and Tigre who is veteran Damned supporter. Unlike many so called "Punks" I do actually admit to the fact that I was only 3 in 1976 so I am not and never have been a proper punk, unless you were of an age to appreciate drugs sex and punk in 1976 YOU ARE NOT A PUNK!! I do however have a rebelious streak and Punk is probably the closest fashion trend that appeals to my Annakissedick (anarchistic) ways. Although like many fashions, they take off after the events have taken place, which is great for the likes of this evenings entertainment, plus the fact it has given the Damned 30 years to practice and work out who plays what and even to write a couple of original tracks!
I will warn you now I do ramble on abit, so bear with me, I was having a drink when all of a sudden the Captain walks past, I couldn't believe my eyes, so I shouted after him but he kept on walking, so I changed tactics and shouted Raymond instead of Captain, this didn't work either, my friends said "Anna your drunk, it's not him", so to prove them wrong, I jumped over the barriers that bars use these days to keep drunk people contained within 5 feet of the pub, and ran down the street in my heels to prove this peroxide geezer was in fact the Captain. Well, what do you say when you meet one of your childhood idols? Well if your me you end up spraffing a load of shite like "oh there's a really good vegie restaurant not far from here", to which he had already eaten a baked potato (At least he knows for next time and there will be a next time!) After discussing the price of a pint of lager (£3.80) in the venue, which I was disgusted that a man of the Captains status should have to pay for in the first place, he agreed to have his photo taken with me, to which he said he should really go and put his hat on first as no one would recognise him. The next problem was there was no one to take the photo, so I did the teenager trick of pointing the camera towards us and he was quite impressed as he admitted to being a bit of a technophobe. Anyway after a pleasant chat his parting comment was why couldn't all the fans be as nice as me! I think he meant Mad! He really is a nice guy and after all these years in the public eye, quite unnasuming. He really is the "best bloke in punk music!". Afterwards I was so in awe that I had finally met the Capt but also kicking myself that I didn't ask him sensible questions about when the Dr Spacetoad Experience would next be playing or could I have his autograph!
I tottered back to my drink in my little Sensible bubble oblivious to the fact that Edward Tudor Pole was stood next to our table drinking a large plastic glass of red wine and smoking a fag rather quickly trying to calm his nerves before going on stage. We missed the first support act of Texas Terri Bomb firstly because 7.30 is too early to go into a venue when the sun is shining and the beer is half the price in the pub than the venue, secondly because Ed Tudor Pole started chatting up Susie, he was delighted to have met a girl called Susie so he dedicated his second song of the evening to her! After comparing notes about Bernie Rhodes outburst at Malcolm Mclaren's funeral he then intoduced me to Mo the Aberdonian Roadie for the Nashville band AC/Dixie now known as Hayseed Dixie. Well I could of chatted to Mo all night, but we had to run into the venue to catch Ed's Ode to Susie, She was a happy camper but not as much as Ed who normally has a bunch of guys trying to fob him off that they are called Susie!
Ed (pic above) sang another corker of a tune about his nephews cracker toy which was a black plastic moustache, yes you've guessed it the song was called "He's got a moustache!" The guy is nuts and can certainly keep a crowd entertained, but we had to miss a few songs to get our nicotine/drink intake before the Damned came on stage. I bumped into Texas Terri whilst buying a nice shiny mirror version of the Damned "So, Who's Paranoid" CD. But not realising it was her as we didn't see them play, completely ignored her and spoke to her mate instead, something that I must learn not to do as you will find out later!
I have to say that at this time the queues (I hate spelling this word as much as being in one) for the toilets were full of ladies of a certain age wearing Tena Lady pads, but fortunately only one woman wearing a North Face fleece. Susie had commented on how many mothers had worn them when she took her daughter to see Tinchy Stryder at the same venue a few weeks ago. I had worked out that the average age of the audience was about 45 until I looked up to the balcony and saw the zimmer frame brigade, so that pushed the average age upto about 57. Comparing notes with Susie on the gig 28 years ago, there were definately less Mohawk's this time round as most of the guys had gone bald, although most were wearing the same clothes they wore back then, well the ones that haven't added a middle aged paunch to their guts! The male/female ratio was about 10/1 which also amazed me as Mr Vanian has certainly captured a few hearts over the years.
Anyway, the bit you've been waiting for, well being honest, it's probably pointless writing a review about a Damned gig as there have been so many of them and as stated earlier, they played some tunes, they looked cool and we screamed!
To rapturous applause the band take the stage behind the red velvet curtains of the fantastic art deco venue opening with Nature's Dark Passion. The band played a good mixture of old classics and new(ish) songs, and for a bunch of old blokes, most still with a good head of hair (except Stu!) played with utmost showmanship. Being a complete Groupie I had to get my place on the front row next to the mosh pit which comes at a price when it starts raining beer and limbs and walking sticks start flying everywhere. The Capt get's his own back by opening a can of Sainsbury's own brand lager on stage as per his earlier conversaton with me, he was not willing to pay another £3.80 for another pint as he's such a cheapskate! (His words not mine)
The Capt made a real effort to fit in with the Jocks, saying that with a surname of Burns he was part Scottish, which led him on to play Mull of Kintyre in a Jimmy Hat. The crowd really made the gig and were told that we were much better than the previous nights Glasgow crowd which was mainly made up of Burns related to the Capt. He's a bit like Punks version to Rod Stewart, he'll never be a Jock, but we all love him and it was his night, so with his confidence gaining thanks to the Sainsbury's lager, he starts playing Happy Talk. Well it has to be expected from such a diverse band that they should accomodate post punk kids like myself. They even kept the few Goth's that were there happy by playing Eloise! Dave Vanian, kept the ladies happy by wearing a very tight black T-shirt that you could see his nipples through and the magic Monty OxyMoron gave pure entertainment with his excentric dancing and playing, Although I couldn't help but think he would be better suited to playing keyboards in The Cardiacs instead. I had to take note of a sticker on his Roland VK8 saying "May the Fart be with you". I also noticed that Pinch was playing a Spaun drumkit, a make I'm not familiar with, but regardless still impressed me how he Spauned a tune in 5/5 time!
The icing on the cake was when the Capt walked over to my side of the stage and looked me in the eyes then blew me a kiss, I was in my element! So when the final encore of Smash It Up got the whole room flying, all bangs and bruises went unnoticed til the following morning.
The lights went up and the crowd dispersed to change their colostomy bags and Tena Ladies. Which left free reign for me to grab the attention of a very nice young blonde roadie who spent about 5 minutes trying to peel a set list off the floor for me to take home!
Happy with my offerings I then went outside to have a fag via the tour bus. Susie has fancied Dave Vanian from day one, even though he does resemble Bono now. We waited patiently so that we could make her dream come true of meeting Mr Vanian, her elder brother (and my good friend) had taught her not to be a groupie when she was younger as it was not the cool thing to do, well he wasn't here tonight so I made her put pay to that idea when who comes walking down the street but the lovely Dave! He kindly gave us both a smacker on the lips and a wee hug. For all his muscles, He is quite a small guy. The stage definately enhances his height!
We then wandered back via the stage door when Martin the sound engineer caught my attention, I had asked him earlier on in the evening if I could have a set list, but he'd already promised it to someone else, but bless his cotton socks, he produced a duck tape free bit of paper out of his pocket and gave it to me. We started chatting techie nonsense of which part of the conversation was how many techies wear combat shorts and have a certain look about them, on cue, this guy comes up to me asking for a light, wearing a pair of combat shorts, well I completely ripped the piss out of him for being a steriotypical techie then he walked away. Oh dear if only I had been that bit taller and not been looking at the Capt, Sexy Dave and the Manic Monty all night I would have realised I'd just knocked back Pinch the drummer!
There was a lot of to'ing and fro'ing of equipment when the Captain's guitar tech John offered to get my CD and ticket signed by the whole band. He appeared not long afterwards saying that he'd got everyones autograph apart from Pinch's as he was on the phone, I'm not sure if that was true or whether he was still in a huff with me for blowing him out! The cute blonde roadie that had previously given me the first set list then appeared with an armful of drums, I started my drunken rambling which was about to lead to me getting on the bus on the way to Aberdeen when I was dragged home by Susie who needed to get back to her rebelious teenage daughter to make sure that she had not drunk her out of house and home.
All in all a great night which the three of us will be repeating again in November when Marc Almond comes to town, but I feel that I do need to see the Damned again pretty soon to apologise to Pinch and to see if I can complete my signed CD!
So who won the Eurovision?? Who gives a Damn!!!!!