1. Shiver 2. Sweat 3. Watch Jeremy Kyle 4. Consider never working again 5. Wishing you were dead 6. Watch Star Trek 'Nemesis' on DVD (again) 7. Get high on Lemsip 8. Play BBC iPlayer 9. Update this website 10. Die
You're looking for a scapegoat, but there are no goats to blame...
1. Hallucinate wildly 2. Unexpectedly lash out at loved ones/pets etc and have no recollection 3. Lie in foetal position in a puddle of your own sweat 4. Be unable to tell if you are asleep, awake, alive or dead 5. Lie in any number of of uncomfortable yoga positions, unable to unblock your nose & throat 6. Accumulate a massive collection of unusual snot-rags some containing blood 7. Occasionally suffer from sleep apnia and wake everyone up at 3 AM screaming 8. Hear extraneous sounds as eerie wailing from a distant dimension 9. Shiver uncontrollably 10. Be incapacitated for far too long
...or if you are one of my students, phone in sick, skive off your lectures and turn up in the afternoon feeling much better with a suspicious new haircut.
1. Stay in bed all day untill your ribs start to ache... then complain your ribs ache 2. Claim you're still ill the next day, only to forget to pretend to cough and splutter every couple of minutes 3. Refuse to accept that your sibling also has to have a day off from the same illness... the cheek of it... it's your day after all 4. Secretly love the fact that because you havn't eaten, you're now skinny 5. Gag and heave when someone mentions cheese 6. Draw the illness out so you don't have to see your relatives 7. Complain you feel "mingin" even though you know it's your own fault for not showering 8. Randomly wake up at 2am, thinking it's dinner time and your dad's Hitler 9. Use the opportunity to eat whatever the hell you want because it's the "only thing you fancy" 10. Shout when someone makes a noise even though you pretended to be too ill to talk that morning.