Post by Skinner on Dec 22, 2009 14:00:12 GMT
Many, many moons have past since I last posted anything on cruds forum, there’s been global travels, one failed marriage, redundancies, repossessions, rude awakenings, religious studies and a vast and long lasting period of illegal drug experimentation, a painful, gut wrenching coming of age that saw me reluctantly accepting who I am, and today I am nothing, no-one, beaten down by my own dubious musical expectations, my own distorted sense of being, my own fickle ego and here I am, maybe six or seven years wiser but no less fragile or absurd, perusing the local indie forum with itchy fingers.
So why am I doing this, why ? what’s driving this desire to post again after so many years away ? why now ? who actually reads these things anyway ? Paul Hammond ? Dean The Obscene ? the Crudmeister himself ? who remembers me ? to be honest I can hardly remember ‘me’ but I think that’s what’s driving me now, that little buzz that I used to experience when I’d post insults or mock those within the scene for their efforts, quite why I used to feel so powerful hiding behind the curtain is beyond me now but I can’t deny it used to make me laugh a lot.
So who remembers Cruds starlets ‘Pocket Venus’ or should I say ‘Porky Venus’ ? Ha ha ha !! how funny was that person who described them as a bunch of dodgy builders , who remembers the skinny and bruised smacked up band Hooper ? The Breeding Ground, and Pigstock, and how about Fudged ? oh how I loved poking fun at them, they were easy, I used to think they were absolutely terrible, and ‘Fear and Loathing’ were just so funny in a classic ‘Alan Partridge’ fashion, cringeworthy ego’s gone mad, but so so funny. There were so many of them, all good home grown heroes, Oh to be 18 again ?
So today, the indie forum has changed a bit, the back biting has almost vanished, the populace is schooled and the love thy neighbour moral code has bedded in and now resides like a reaper ready to cull and cleanse, but the ‘artistes’ are all present and correct and the bullshit factor is still high and hansom but now it’s lurking somewhere in the darkest corners of neverland. Time has mellowed me, time has aged me, worn me and hurt me but time has also left me clear of mind albeit clowdy in spirit. What do I want to say about the current local ‘heroes’ ? what can I possibly write in provocation, to spur reaction, to stir the shit ? Oh I know:
Duncan Black, get over yourself, Skinflick were dreadful, you were always, always, regarded as the most boring, lack lustre, bee in a jam jar farty toned guitarist ever and it surprises me none to read that you’re now flying ‘solo’ and still boring as fuck, there is life outside of bedroom pre-amp distortion, and boss delays, there is so much more for you to explore, so much you’ll never understand, like ‘entertain me, for fucks sake’ get some reality into your gig, forget about Nigel kennedy or The chester town square fiddle busker ? Der Bombers view was spot on baby, and they're shite too, a few choice swear words with a moss side via meliden accent and some rehashed ‘squeeze’ chord progressions equals ? well nothing really does it ? no, sorry, I apologise, they are ok actually, they are funny and at least those ‘jordy jeans’ looked nice and tight across the arse, Ha Ha !!.
Sons of Selina, I just read that wiklepedia page, fucking funny as fuck, like someone other than crud wrote it, like they actually mattered, never did, never will but keep the memoirs coming, hey and don’t forget the ‘Hammond&Roberts’ you tube classic, Smack Head’, you come and ask me for 20p, oh that’s a real golden nuggot, that’s got to be worthy of some kind of ‘champions of lame’ award, lyrically slick, ha ha ha,. Who can recall ‘Franks Dad’ ? oh they were bad, very bad. I know nothing of the new bands really, there seems to be a back slapping fest of punk bands here, but you’re all rubbish, that chap called ‘Matt’ is funny though, he’s so full of shit, he’s just like I was when I was 15 or 16 but for fucks sake fella, get over yourself, you’re not even close.
New boys The 4 Sticks are fucking funny too, one sneaky peek and it’s all cool fuck ups and sex drugs and rock’n’roll and the king is dead long live the king but they’re all queens, good luck to them but they’ll never get to where they’re going unless they knock the substance abuse on the head and get clean, yes I know it’s a rite of passage, like getting your first back stage blow job or fucking your mates mum but it’ll all end in tears, for proof of the pudding check out the last space cadets to tread the local boards‘hooper’ who pummelled our ears and warped our minds with tales of ‘the sweats and the horrors’, yes I believe they too eventually tripped out on their own mess and you will too, suckers !!! but to be fair, your music is quite good so fuck those who say it’s derivative, I mean, derivative of what ? of who ? at least I used to be able to supply ‘names’ or ‘tunes’ to back up my rages, but exactly who isn’t derivative anyway? pah!!
Homespun ? what's happening to that then ? are they not ‘Fear and Loathing in new clothes ? say no more, fucking rib ticklers, remember that other twat from meliden called ‘dusty’, hell of a nice bloke but god awful just the same, but I did manage to see ‘Gallops’ this year, don’t know if they post on here at all but if not here’s a little break down : they’re from Wrexham, they’re like the prodigy/Gossip but without the vocal hooks and stage persona, in Fact they too are eminently boring in a Duncan Black fashion, it’s most definately not new or cutting edge for fucks sake, in fact it’s just fucking ‘Telstar’ for 2009 with some mature student type nerd operating a mac and running loops and whoops whilst the guitar players gurn and turn with about as much groove, grace, poise and street cred as simon cowell, fucking shite i tell ya !! music for people who don’t quite get it, the sort of stuff that gets critical acclaim but ultimately fails due to lack of public interest, usually because it’s just so fucking boring, but don’t take my word for it, they’re on you tube, but why I hear you ask ? it’s a visual thing isn’t it ? youtube ? well, who knows why but check out gallops anyway for an alternative to watching paint dry, oooh it’s all going on !!! well actually it's not at all.
So why bother doing this, maybe I’m bored of my own shite, maybe I don’t have an answer, maybe I just wish I was 19 again, maybe I’m just fucking about trying to regenerate that sickly stomach, those butterflies that I used to get awaiting a response to my lash, Porky Venus, Ha Ha Ha !!! sorry if I’ve hurt anyones feelings, glad tidings to all, every man, woman and Duncan Black, Bless you all and merry christmas.
So why am I doing this, why ? what’s driving this desire to post again after so many years away ? why now ? who actually reads these things anyway ? Paul Hammond ? Dean The Obscene ? the Crudmeister himself ? who remembers me ? to be honest I can hardly remember ‘me’ but I think that’s what’s driving me now, that little buzz that I used to experience when I’d post insults or mock those within the scene for their efforts, quite why I used to feel so powerful hiding behind the curtain is beyond me now but I can’t deny it used to make me laugh a lot.
So who remembers Cruds starlets ‘Pocket Venus’ or should I say ‘Porky Venus’ ? Ha ha ha !! how funny was that person who described them as a bunch of dodgy builders , who remembers the skinny and bruised smacked up band Hooper ? The Breeding Ground, and Pigstock, and how about Fudged ? oh how I loved poking fun at them, they were easy, I used to think they were absolutely terrible, and ‘Fear and Loathing’ were just so funny in a classic ‘Alan Partridge’ fashion, cringeworthy ego’s gone mad, but so so funny. There were so many of them, all good home grown heroes, Oh to be 18 again ?
So today, the indie forum has changed a bit, the back biting has almost vanished, the populace is schooled and the love thy neighbour moral code has bedded in and now resides like a reaper ready to cull and cleanse, but the ‘artistes’ are all present and correct and the bullshit factor is still high and hansom but now it’s lurking somewhere in the darkest corners of neverland. Time has mellowed me, time has aged me, worn me and hurt me but time has also left me clear of mind albeit clowdy in spirit. What do I want to say about the current local ‘heroes’ ? what can I possibly write in provocation, to spur reaction, to stir the shit ? Oh I know:
Duncan Black, get over yourself, Skinflick were dreadful, you were always, always, regarded as the most boring, lack lustre, bee in a jam jar farty toned guitarist ever and it surprises me none to read that you’re now flying ‘solo’ and still boring as fuck, there is life outside of bedroom pre-amp distortion, and boss delays, there is so much more for you to explore, so much you’ll never understand, like ‘entertain me, for fucks sake’ get some reality into your gig, forget about Nigel kennedy or The chester town square fiddle busker ? Der Bombers view was spot on baby, and they're shite too, a few choice swear words with a moss side via meliden accent and some rehashed ‘squeeze’ chord progressions equals ? well nothing really does it ? no, sorry, I apologise, they are ok actually, they are funny and at least those ‘jordy jeans’ looked nice and tight across the arse, Ha Ha !!.
Sons of Selina, I just read that wiklepedia page, fucking funny as fuck, like someone other than crud wrote it, like they actually mattered, never did, never will but keep the memoirs coming, hey and don’t forget the ‘Hammond&Roberts’ you tube classic, Smack Head’, you come and ask me for 20p, oh that’s a real golden nuggot, that’s got to be worthy of some kind of ‘champions of lame’ award, lyrically slick, ha ha ha,. Who can recall ‘Franks Dad’ ? oh they were bad, very bad. I know nothing of the new bands really, there seems to be a back slapping fest of punk bands here, but you’re all rubbish, that chap called ‘Matt’ is funny though, he’s so full of shit, he’s just like I was when I was 15 or 16 but for fucks sake fella, get over yourself, you’re not even close.
New boys The 4 Sticks are fucking funny too, one sneaky peek and it’s all cool fuck ups and sex drugs and rock’n’roll and the king is dead long live the king but they’re all queens, good luck to them but they’ll never get to where they’re going unless they knock the substance abuse on the head and get clean, yes I know it’s a rite of passage, like getting your first back stage blow job or fucking your mates mum but it’ll all end in tears, for proof of the pudding check out the last space cadets to tread the local boards‘hooper’ who pummelled our ears and warped our minds with tales of ‘the sweats and the horrors’, yes I believe they too eventually tripped out on their own mess and you will too, suckers !!! but to be fair, your music is quite good so fuck those who say it’s derivative, I mean, derivative of what ? of who ? at least I used to be able to supply ‘names’ or ‘tunes’ to back up my rages, but exactly who isn’t derivative anyway? pah!!
Homespun ? what's happening to that then ? are they not ‘Fear and Loathing in new clothes ? say no more, fucking rib ticklers, remember that other twat from meliden called ‘dusty’, hell of a nice bloke but god awful just the same, but I did manage to see ‘Gallops’ this year, don’t know if they post on here at all but if not here’s a little break down : they’re from Wrexham, they’re like the prodigy/Gossip but without the vocal hooks and stage persona, in Fact they too are eminently boring in a Duncan Black fashion, it’s most definately not new or cutting edge for fucks sake, in fact it’s just fucking ‘Telstar’ for 2009 with some mature student type nerd operating a mac and running loops and whoops whilst the guitar players gurn and turn with about as much groove, grace, poise and street cred as simon cowell, fucking shite i tell ya !! music for people who don’t quite get it, the sort of stuff that gets critical acclaim but ultimately fails due to lack of public interest, usually because it’s just so fucking boring, but don’t take my word for it, they’re on you tube, but why I hear you ask ? it’s a visual thing isn’t it ? youtube ? well, who knows why but check out gallops anyway for an alternative to watching paint dry, oooh it’s all going on !!! well actually it's not at all.
So why bother doing this, maybe I’m bored of my own shite, maybe I don’t have an answer, maybe I just wish I was 19 again, maybe I’m just fucking about trying to regenerate that sickly stomach, those butterflies that I used to get awaiting a response to my lash, Porky Venus, Ha Ha Ha !!! sorry if I’ve hurt anyones feelings, glad tidings to all, every man, woman and Duncan Black, Bless you all and merry christmas.